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 Things we learn from our mother:

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...  "Just wait until your father gets home."

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....  "You are going to get it when we get home!"

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...  "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you.. Don't talk back to me!"

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...  "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...  "If you don't stop crossing your eyes,they are going to freeze that way."

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...  "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll  never get a good job."

7. My Mother taught me ESP...  "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

8. My Mother taught me HUMOR...  "When that lawn mower cuts off you toes, don't come running to me."

9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...  "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

10. My Mother taught me about SEX....  "How do you think you got here?"

11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...  "You're just like your father."

12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...  "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...  "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

14. And my all time favorite... My Mother taught me about JUSTICE...  "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. . .. ... Then you'll see what its like."

15. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished  cleaning!"

16. My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

17. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

18. My mother taught me LOGIC -  "Because I said so, that's why."

19. My mother taught me FORESIGHT -  "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

20. My mother taught me IRONY -  "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

21. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

22. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -  "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

23. My mother taught me about STAMINA -  "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

24. My mother taught me about WEATHER -  "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

25. My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -  "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

26. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -  "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

27. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -  "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

28. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -  "Stop acting like your father!"

29. My mother taught me about ENVY -  "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"


100 Mother's Biographies

When God Created Mothers

Appreciating Mothers Everywhere:
One day a man came home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside, still in their pyjamas playing in the mud and muck.

There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food walked into the carpet, a broken glass under the table, and sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys and clothing, garbage and all kinds of crap. A lamp had been knocked over, the dog was caught up in some wires and unable to move, and the bird cage had was lying opened on the floor with the bird missing.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill, or that something had happened to her. He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pyjamas on, reading a book. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know how everyday when you come home from work, and you ask me what I did today?"

"Yes", he replied... "Well," she replied,  "Today I didn't do it!"

Mom's Last Laugh
Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of the pew where I sat.

I was at the funeral of my dearest mother. She finally had lost her long battle with cancer. The hurt was so intense, I found it hard to breathe at times.

Always supportive, mama clapped loudest at my school plays, held tissues while listening to my first heartbreak, comforted me at my father's death, encouraged me in college, and prayed for me my entire life.

When mama's illness was diagnosed, my sister had just had a baby and my brother had recently married his childhood sweetheart, so it fell to me, the 27 yr. old middle child without entanglements, to take care of her.

I counted it an honor to do it.
"What now, Lord?" I asked sitting in church. My life stretched out before me as an empty abyss. My brother sat stoically with his face toward the cross while clutching his wife's hand. My sister sat slumped against her husband's shoulder, his arms around her as she cradled their child. All so deeply grieving, no one noticed I sat alone.

My place had been with our mother, preparing her meals, helping her walk, taking her to the doctor, seeing to her medication, reading the Bible together. Now she was with our Lord. My work was finished, and I was all alone.

I heard a door open and slam shut at the back of the church. Quick footsteps hurried along the carpeted floor. An exasperated young man looked around briefly and then sat next to me. He folded his hands and placed them on his lap. His eyes were brimming with tears. He began to sniffle. "I'm late," he explained, though no explanation was necessary.

After several eulogies, he leaned over and commented, "Why do they keep calling Mary by the name of Margaret?"
"Because that was her name, Margaret. Never Mary. No one called her Mary." I whispered. I wondered why this person couldn't have sat on the other side of the church. He interrupted my grieving with his tears and fidgeting.

Who was this stranger anyway?
"No, that isn't correct," he insisted, as several people glanced over at us whispering, "Her name is Mary, Mary Peters."
"That isn't who this is." I said.
"Isn't this the Lutheran church?" he asked.
"No, the Lutheran church is across the street." This the Baptist church." I told him.
"Oh, I believe I am at the wrong funeral." He said red faced.

The solemnness of the occasion mixed with the realization of the man's mistake bubbled up inside me and came out as laughter. I cupped my hands over my face, hoping it would stop my laughter and be interpreted as sobs.

The creaking pew gave me away, though. Sharp looks from other mourners only made the situation seem more hilarious. I peeked at the bewildered, misguided man seated beside me. He was laughing too, as he glanced around, deciding it was too late for an uneventful exit. I imagined mama laughing at that moment.

At the final 'Amen,' we darted out a door and into the parking lot. "I do believe we'll be the talk of the town" he smiled. He said his name was Rick and since he had missed his aunt's funeral, asked me out for a cup of coffee.

That afternoon began a lifelong journey for me with this man who attended the wrong funeral, but was in the right place. A year after our meeting, we were married at a country church where he was the assistant pastor. This time we both arrived at the same church, right on time.

In place of sorrow, God gave me laughter. In place of loneliness, God gave me someone to love. This past June we celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary. Whenever anyone asks us how we met, Rick tells them, "Her mother and my Aunt Mary introduced us, and it is truly a match made in Heaven."


A woman named Emily renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a .....?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."

"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation... 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out.

"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words.
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't?), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said "indoors and out").

I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!

And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother."

Motherhood.....What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door. Ha !!

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!

And it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants" too,

Here is wishing you a Happy "Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" Day! (ie Mothers Day)

Please send this to another Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, and other friends you know.


Mother's Day Trivia Quiz

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